The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom III

[renegadefolkhero]

I sometimes search for topics like, "How to collect apples in Zelda," and that is how I learned there's an autobuild ability that can be found underground at Great Abandoned Central Mine and this can be used for clever and nefarious purposes.

I decided I would go there prematurely, and boy was I in for a surprise! Without spoiling anything (does it matter?) my fave is back, and is a badder ass than ever, so uh. I guess we'll just deal with that later!

After continuing to die in dumb ways, because I'd barely upgraded my hearts or armor and one-hit deaths were distressingly common, I decided to embark on the great faerie quests and improve my duds. The great faeries are just as awesome as they were in the last game, but with 50% less sexual harassment. This questline has been one of my favorites, because it requires recruiting minstrels and transporting them while they scream and holler for you to slow down and stop making the ride so bumpy. They're a bunch of crybabies; we always get there in one piece.

In the process, I've been digging into the Gazette questlines that are located at each stable. These are actually pretty fun and varied, and I enjoy them, and I enjoy diving into wells.

So, about Link and Zelda

Zelink, if you will. There was a meme floating around on Tumblr that was like, "THis is how Link lOoKs at Zelda" and it was just Link being utterly unemotive, as always, and someone replied to this by offering a comparison of pictures of Link eating food, which is quite literally the only time he seems to enjoy living.

As far as I can tell, Nintendo doesn't want to commit one way or another. They want to have their cake and eat it too without even having to bake or ice anything. If I was gonna be generous, I'd say they're leaving it open to interpretation so fans can enjoy a wide range of Zelink without the heavy hand of canon but here's the thing--Nintendo hates fan interpretation and only wants you to do/say/think what they want you to do/say/think and it has always been this way so there's no point in being generous.

In the previous game, the Zora chick was mildly obsessed with Link (understandable), and Link evidently rolled with that but it was impossible for me to tell if he was into her or if it was platonic for him or if it was a chaste romance or a diplomatic/political thing or what. I can't tell what sort of assumption we're supposed to be making in Tears of the Kingdom either, but Link seems to get uncomfortable when characters flirt with him and IDK man. I don't see it. I think we should just let him enjoy his dubious food in peace. The Zelgan people are right, Zelda ought to tap that. She needs to fuck the bottom out of Ganon and Fix Him (which is impossible) and cause massive amounts of toxic drama for everyone. But clearly nobody in any of these games is ever getting laid, not even the horny giant faeries who no doubt awakened many size-kink fantasies and live rent-free in my brain. The smut writers of this fandom bear an unfortunately high burden. Thanks Nintendo.